Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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