Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
