made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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