dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
