he puts the penis in happiness.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm too high and old for this...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
