a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
