goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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