she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
