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Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
