The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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