No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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