Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
