I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
