just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
