Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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