I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
