Welp...herpes.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
