i just wanna soil my oats bro
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
