Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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