Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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