Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
