I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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