you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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