Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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