You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
