Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
