i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
