took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
