I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
