ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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