I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
