I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
