when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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