I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
