i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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