I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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