I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
