i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
