You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think a kid would responsible me up
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
