Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
