I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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