if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Jerry, you need to find god
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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