it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
