1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
no, he came in my armpit
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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