We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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