I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
