I smell stomach acid.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
