I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
