they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
