I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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