Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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