she woke up with a sticky ear
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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